Ever felt like you've been hit with a wave of emptiness after stepping off stage, finishing a race or reaching some other milestone? You're not alone. Tina and Kara, as we unpack the emotional aftermath of some of life's big achievements. This episode isn't just about athletic pursuits; it's about the interplay between our personal lives, professional worlds, and the physical trials we endure.
Life after stepping on stage or crossing the finish line can be more daunting than the pursuit of and the event itself. Athletes and non-athletes alike can relate to the post-goal blues and the quest for identity beyond our accomplishments. Kara and I explore the challenges of post-competition transition, from the physiological to the psychological, and offer compassionate strategies for self-care and maintaining mental health. We get real about the pressure of social media on body image and self-perception, advocating for authenticity and a measured approach to sharing our journeys online. Listen in for a heartfelt discussion on navigating life's highs and lows with grace.
Wrapping up, we dive into the value of a trusted coach through life's hurdles. Whether it's sports, career, or personal growth, having guidance can illuminate your path to recovery and resilience. We emphasize that while it's natural to encounter tough times, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. So settle in with us for an episode filled with humor, vulnerability, and the unfiltered wisdom that comes from experience. You might just find the camaraderie and support you didn't know you needed.
Don't get weird, use your head, it'll all be OK!
Looking for a coach to help you be YOUR best self? Let's get in touch!
www.centerstagethleticscoaching.com
info@centerstageathleticscoaching.com
IG: @teamcsfp
FB: https://www.facebook.com/teamcsfp
Ever felt like you've been hit with a wave of emptiness after stepping off stage, finishing a race or reaching some other milestone? You're not alone. Tina and Kara, as we unpack the emotional aftermath of some of life's big achievements. This episode isn't just about athletic pursuits; it's about the interplay between our personal lives, professional worlds, and the physical trials we endure.
Life after stepping on stage or crossing the finish line can be more daunting than the pursuit of and the event itself. Athletes and non-athletes alike can relate to the post-goal blues and the quest for identity beyond our accomplishments. Kara and I explore the challenges of post-competition transition, from the physiological to the psychological, and offer compassionate strategies for self-care and maintaining mental health. We get real about the pressure of social media on body image and self-perception, advocating for authenticity and a measured approach to sharing our journeys online. Listen in for a heartfelt discussion on navigating life's highs and lows with grace.
Wrapping up, we dive into the value of a trusted coach through life's hurdles. Whether it's sports, career, or personal growth, having guidance can illuminate your path to recovery and resilience. We emphasize that while it's natural to encounter tough times, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. So settle in with us for an episode filled with humor, vulnerability, and the unfiltered wisdom that comes from experience. You might just find the camaraderie and support you didn't know you needed.
Don't get weird, use your head, it'll all be OK!
Looking for a coach to help you be YOUR best self? Let's get in touch!
www.centerstagethleticscoaching.com
info@centerstageathleticscoaching.com
IG: @teamcsfp
FB: https://www.facebook.com/teamcsfp
Hello and welcome to Coaching and Cocktails and COVID. No too soon. Hopefully, no, yeah, hopefully not. So this is Tina and I have Kara with me again today as my always special guest, although now she's more of a frequent podcast helper person Helper person, this. So I guess I should tell everybody up front I've been sick for what is today. Today is Saturday, march 2nd, and I've been sick for going on over a week. So I am going to try desperately not to snot and snort and cough through this entire podcast, but we don't want to put it off any longer because I needed one to put out on Monday. Yeah, so on top of that, I've been sick and dealing with broken pipes in my home and insurance adjusters who go.
Speaker 1:My insurance adjuster I didn't tell you this carrot ghosted us for two weeks. She wouldn't respond to my text, my email, my phone calls. I tried her cell phone. She had no voicemail conveniently set up on her cell phone. I left her message on her work phone, emailed and called and this was after she came and did the inspection.
Speaker 1:And then that was like on a Tuesday, two weeks ago, and she said I'll be in touch by Friday. So two weeks ago, sorry, I'm sorry, it was two weeks ago, this past Tuesday, so now we're going on three weeks. She said I'll be in touch that Friday and with their issues like the able, catch you a check, yeah, the other blah, blah, blah, nothing. Friday comes and goes. So then that's when that was. That following Monday I started calling and you know all this stuff, nothing for a whole another week. So at the two week mark that she ghosted us, I mean look Busy, got it, don't have any information, got it. You want to tell me to fuck off? Also got it. But respond to me, say something, anything right. Like don't just ghost me and ignore me. I mean you literally just say fuck off, stop bothering me, like anything would do, just give me some, they're going to rip up your house.
Speaker 2:So there's they're about to rip up my house.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I finally got in touch with her by like calling the main number and going through like the circuitry of like getting to my agent. And she's like oh well, I didn't have access to my computer for a week and I was like no stop. I said this is going on two weeks. So let's assume you didn't have access to your computer last week. That doesn't excuse the first week. I said and I also texted you. This has nothing to do with the computer, because I've also been trying to reach you by phone, so let's just, let's just stop. And then she's like OK, I'm sorry, like I still never got any whatever. And I was like and I'm sick on top of it, and I literally spent the entire week. Every contractor we're dealing with, plus my insurance adjuster, hates me because I'm just like I just need somebody to do their fucking job. Why is this so hard? That's literally what I was saying to everybody. I was like you all need to get your shit together. I'm dealing with too many different contractors, so it was just a bad. It was a bad week because I was sick and frustrated and miserable and nobody was doing their job.
Speaker 1:If I ran my business, this is the my husband and I have this conversation all the time. He he's a business owner. I'm a business owner. If I ran my business the way some of these places do and, granted, I understand insurance, you know it's a racket and they have us all by the balls. So it is what it is. But if I didn't respond to clients right, like what, how's that going to work out for me? Like, how am I, how does my business succeed if I, if you try to reach me and I ghost you for two weeks, you're?
Speaker 2:probably not going to stay a client for very long. Well, I think I told you as my first coach you could contact every three weeks. There was zero communication. If you needed something on a weekend, you had no phone number, it was only an email and you would never get a response unless it was between the hours of nine and five Monday through Friday. But there was like every third week of check in and that was it.
Speaker 1:And I mean, I can tell I mean, yeah, and I, you know, I do. I remember you telling me that and I have actually heard of that with other coaches. In fact, I experienced it with one coach I tried to hire a million years ago when I was competing. It was, it was still weekly check ins, but he would only respond to client inquiries on almost a Tuesdays and Thursdays or some shit, whatever it was. And I was like, well, what if I have an emergency on a Friday? Like what if I have? Like I'm having a nervous breakdown and I'm going to like dive headfirst into a box of Twinkies. Like what, what happens on Friday? And like I'm just, I'm just, should I luck, tina, good luck, enjoy those Twinkies, we'll talk on Tuesday.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I was just like, yeah, that doesn't work for me. And you know what, that might be perfectly fine for somebody else, but I was the neurotic mess when I was competing, so I was like that's not going to work for me. But yeah, so I just, I'm so big on communication, you know this. Just, you know, with myself to you guys, you guys to me, I can't do my job without that. I just don't. I, I understand people get busy, you know. Back to this insurance thing. But, like I said, just anything, just a response. Don't ghost me. That's what I can't tolerate, right, it's just I'm busy, I don't have any information, I haven't been able to get you know the thing done, you know whatever, but just don't cricket me.
Speaker 2:No, so so hit everybody with your good news though your big purchase.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, the good news, so the good news in all of this is in the midst of all this chaos. I bought a horse and she's amazing, and she's wonderful. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to do it. I literally we brought her home on a Tuesday and I started. I got really, really sick on Friday, the Friday following.
Speaker 2:I haven't been able to do anything.
Speaker 1:I managed to get on her once that Sunday following, and I kind of just forced myself. I was like I'm sick, it was. It was really like a horrible ride, but I have tried to at least go see her as much as I'm capable. Even just she's only about 15 minutes away from me. So I just kind of go and put my hands on her and love on her for a bit and then I'm home because about all I can manage being sick. But she's amazing. I'm really excited to to get to learn and grow with her. It's my midlife, my midlife crisis. It's not a crisis, it's my midlife Tree. It's my midlife tree. It's my midlife Challenge. Really. I mean, it's to. You know, it's something I love to do and I'm learning something all over again that I, you know, kind of sort of knew when I was a teenager and Is she full grown.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's. She's a 12 year old paint and unregistered paint. Her name is Phoenix, she is. I said I was not going to buy a white horse, so instead I bought a white horse with a few spots and so she's got a lot of white on her, but she's a paint. How tall? How many hands? She's 15 hands, so she's actually a little, a little bigger than what I have been riding. I normally ride 14 hands is a real comfortable ride for me because it's you know, I'm like two feet tall but she so she's a little taller, but I can. I was able to mount her from the ground. I didn't need a mounting block. It's probably not something.
Speaker 2:I'll do very often, but I can do it.
Speaker 1:She's got two ice blue eyes and she's absolute. She's an absolute sweetheart. So I'm really hoping to like build a super cool connection with her and we'll see. I I I never say never, but I told the woman where I where, where I'm boarding her, who's also she's, she's my trainer. You know, my intent was to buy her and just pleasure ride and trail ride and just have fun. I'm not into competing and stuff. And then I will.
Speaker 1:I had this one moment one morning. I was like well, who says you can't? Who says you can't? She says you can't show if you want to show. And I was like and then, of course, as soon as I said that to Anita, who's my trainer, she's like okay, well, we can do, we can do range classes and we can do this. And she's this, like you know right, 60 year old horse woman, she's been doing this a hundred years and I just love her to that. She's fantastic. But I was like, okay, well, I'm not going to say I'm not and I'm not going to say I am, but it is, might be something cool to work towards at some point. Because who says I can't? Right, Never too old, You're never, you're never too old. It's never too late, so anyway, so that's where I am, but you brought up another topic that you thought would be really cool to talk about, and it's actually been really fun to have clients like come up with topics to talk about.
Speaker 1:Like Aaron and I have done a couple. I did a podcast with my physical therapist and he's got another topic we're going to talk about next week.
Speaker 2:Oh, yay, he was lovely.
Speaker 1:I love it. So I think it's really cool because, especially like you as a client, clients in general, you know, as you're kind of experiencing these different things and an out of prep and you know you're a multifaceted athlete hybrid athlete, as I like to say you know you came up with something you thought would be a great topic. So what is it that you wanted to talk about?
Speaker 2:today. So I some background story is that I started running years ago, but very late in life. So I think I was 34, 35 when I started running. That was the beginning. So a year or two into running I did a marathon as sort of the end of that season. I transitioned to do athelons, which is a run by run, and then this season I'm transitioning to triathlons.
Speaker 1:I've done because you needed to throw more cardio on top of your coach and try to figure out because you really needed to keep your coach on her toes. New challenges, you're like I'm going to add. And oh, by the way, and I'm adding swimming. I was like oh God, okay.
Speaker 2:So and then two seasons of competing in bikini. So with all of those sports there's this post competition blues. That happens that. I think nobody. I mean it's obviously known because there's a million articles and people know it, but I don't think anybody talks about it before it happens. I think you sort of end up in the deep end of oh my God, what is happening right now? And then you look into what's going on. But I don't think anybody kind of preps you ahead of time that this is maybe on the horizon when you've got these really big events that you're training for. So that was sort of I thought I know there's somebody out there prepping right now that this is their first show and they don't know it's coming down the pipeline. Or they're training for a marathon and don't know it's all gonna drop off when you cross finish. So that was sort of the thought behind it.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it's a really valid topic and I apologize if I somehow did not have this discussion with you before.
Speaker 2:Well, no, I was already seasoned to with. I mean, I was pretty deep into. I was like wait a minute, did I?
Speaker 1:not, I was like because, I actually because I do right. So it's, I know it's actually, it's in our book. We talk about it in our book. We talk about it in the four part podcast series that we do kind of like on all the different phases. So we talk about it in the post-show phase, but it is. It's something that it's like post-partum blues or the post-Christmas blues or whatever.
Speaker 1:Whatever I would say I'd really equate it to post-partum blues in many ways, especially in bodybuilding, because of the hormonal changes, right. So it's not just oh, I'm done with competing, now what it's. You know, what do I do with my life now? Right, this has been or whatever the sport is, but there is the hormonal changes that come, because there's all the hormone changes that are happening as you're getting super, super, super lean, and then your hormones are all crazy and out of whack, and then it's like and then you're trying to get yourself back to some semblance of normalcy, post-show, and then the hormones go all cuckoo for cuckoo posts again, right, and it takes a while. So I think there's a lot going on physiologically, hormotally, but also mentally. You know, in all, yeah, I mean it's just, you go from focusing on this one thing for so long, right, and you know you can probably think about this with any goal, right, even things that aren't sports, right, like you're focusing on getting.
Speaker 1:You're like so focused on getting your PhD and you're so focused on getting to this degree, or you're so focused on getting to this job at work or whatever right, and so you become this very singularly focused person. You put all your effort into it, as any, like anybody with a big goal does, and then it happens, and then you're like now what Right? Like what do I do with my life?
Speaker 2:Well, I am curious what you've seen from your side. So to me, what we're specifically talking about is at the endpoint of one of these goals which again can be really anything that absorbs significant focus in your world where every day you're having to structure time around, making things happen and maybe that's training or homework, because I definitely feel like that also when I completed my degree it was a similar thing. But we're sort of talking about that sense of being let down or lost, that feel almost depressed because you just don't know. All this time you were hoping to gain back.
Speaker 1:You get and suddenly what do you do with it? What?
Speaker 2:do you do with it? With that time and that feeling lost is what the so maybe that does present as depression. Maybe it sincerely feels like a deep depression, but it also may just be sort of a sense of confusion of I was so structured and so focused and now it's wide open. I have no idea. Sort of like there's so much I could do, I do nothing.
Speaker 1:So yeah, analysis, paralysis, right, what do I do? So I think one of the biggest combatants of this post-goal syndrome, if we wanna call it, is setting your next goal before the first goal is over. Right, so it's one that we actually I mean with you. I didn't really need to do that, could you? You're setting your own goals and let me know what the hell they are. You got things to do, but for somebody who's not like you and already into like all these other sports, it's like okay, what do we wanna do when the show's over? Right? So obviously for everybody, we gotta get you back to just feeling healthy, right, so we're adding calories, we're doing all those fun things.
Speaker 1:I like to do a couple of things. One start to focus clients on strength goals versus aesthetic goals right, so we can stop obsessing about the scale. You know, a big part of at least the first several weeks is like let's get you back to sleeping. Good, let's get calories up, right. So our focus is really kind of like staying in the course on that cause. That alone is hard, right. Like keeping your calories in check, not going off the rails in terms of food, managing emotions around that the first couple of weeks and watching your strength come back, so that we don't focus so much about like, oh so is my body fat, right, cause that has to happen. So we're not going to focus, you know, maybe even programming in a little bit more flexibility so that you have, you know, you can go out for a meal with family. You haven't done, you know, in a kind of a controlled manner, or so we're not going nuts. But then, outside of that cause I don't necessarily recommend like jumping right into, let's just say, our postseason goal is now, I wanna run, I wanna run a half marathon, right, okay, cool. But we don't wanna start running 10 miles a day immediately post show, because we're really trying to help your body get back to this sort of like balanced place where we reduce cardio a little bit and we get back focused on strength training. But it isn't kind of a cool goal to have, right.
Speaker 1:So we actually went to Brandi's clients who competed two years ago. That's kind of what she did. She kind of reversed her and got her in a healthy place for like six months, but her next goal then was I wanna run a half marathon. And then they immediately started working on that, while still kind of keeping the bodybuilding stuff in mind. So I think, starting shifting the focus away from aesthetic goals, especially in the sport of bodybuilding, and then starting to work towards I have a lot of clients that's that almost immediately switch over to like powerlifting, which is I personally think it's an amazing way to transition from a bodybuilding competition into a building season and giving you something to be like hey, I'm focused, this is like really cool, like I'm focusing on the big lifts and I'm getting stronger, and that just really helps your mind stay off of like what your body looks like for a period of time. Plus, it's beneficial in we're putting on right, we're getting stronger, we're putting on more muscle, gives you something different to do, makes you love the gym again, because a lot of people start to kind of like dread going to the gym, these kinds of things. I know some people will poo poo me for this, but CrossFit is another. I've had some clients transition and start doing some CrossFit stuff. So really it's client dependent, right, but it is.
Speaker 1:The goal is to find another goal so that when we're finished with the show we have something else we can focus on so we can put our mind towards that. Now my caveat to. That is for my, always having a goal focused people who can't function without a goal. Sometimes everybody loves me when I do this. The goal is to learn how to function without a goal. Right, right, to learn how to. I'm not saying goals are bad, but some people need to. Some clients need to be able to learn how to live in a space where they're not going 100 miles an hour. I won't mention any names, but there's one I'm staring at one of them.
Speaker 2:I do have. I have a rest season on both Right. I know I do have.
Speaker 1:I'm not putting you down for it.
Speaker 2:No, no, no I just want to make it clear I have a down season for endurance as well. I think there's this window of time post season whichever season you're dealing with where you kind of take that time really to plan for your goals, so not necessarily participating in activity that's leading you towards it, just take the time to do some research, do some planning which gives your body recovery time, because the reason you know you have an extended growth season post bodybuilding, the reason you have a rest season post endurance, is because you can't hammer your body and beat it down to the point where it's not recovering, because then all the things you do after that are kind of for nothing because you're not building. So I think, establish the goal before you get to a place where you feel out of control, but maybe don't actively work towards it. Maybe try out some gear, read some articles, kind of understand the new environment.
Speaker 1:But kind of not gear, gear, we're not gonna try out gear.
Speaker 2:I mean like you know like steroid gear no no.
Speaker 1:You know that's good performance. Enhancing drugs are also called gear. I just want to make sure that we're clear.
Speaker 2:I didn't, but that's funny because there is a steroid site. I won't name the name, but that's the second half, that's the second half of the website.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's called gear. Some people call it gear, so that's not. We're not saying try out some gear.
Speaker 2:Tennis shoes or heart rate monitor. It's a new workout class.
Speaker 1:But you know, but I also. So, yes, and to your point. So that's exactly what I was saying. You know you get through that recovery period right. For average people who kind of do what they're supposed to do, the reverse and recovery relationship take longer than six to eight weeks. You should be in a good place by then, and that is a good period of time too.
Speaker 1:Spend some time looking inward, maybe, evaluating where things are, where you want to go next, what you want your improvement season to look like. Do you want to do something else in your improvement season? Do you want to compete again at all? Right, like everybody is real excited leading up to the show and starting to plan all these other shows that they're going to do. They come off the show and they're just depending on how they did. It's either going to be I never want to do this again this was horrible or, you know, again they're coming off a high and I want to do all the shows.
Speaker 1:And then, about six weeks later, and they've got some food in their belly and they're finally feeling, you know, full and not hungry and tired for the first time forever. They're like I bet you want to do that again. I kind of like being right here. It feels better, right. So you really do have to give yourself that period of time to spend with some self-reflection and determining. You know what do I call it, if I can find my words, if I can find my words in my dayquil stupor right, an after-action report, right. So if you're military and you know what went well, what went wrong, what do you want to do different? What do you want to do next? Right. And then you start planning for that which I always do with clients right, we always have the post-show, our post-show meeting, right, and just kind of like go over after we do our after-action report and then we decide what we want to do going forward.
Speaker 2:Well, and so it does seem like everything I've read is that the general consensus is, if you didn't meet your perceived goal, you tend to be at a higher risk of having this massive emotional drop-off because you had so much excitement about meeting that goal. And I remember the very first time I met you and you said, well, what's your goal for the show? And I said to get a pro card. You said it's your first show and I said, right, but so my intention with all things I compete in is to win. And you said, well, but so if you don't, can you walk away from this feeling okay about it?
Speaker 2:And so I actually went back and listened to all of the podcasts that you and Brandi had done, and you did one where you discussed you gaining your pro card and what you said was, in all of the seasons you competed, getting it was sort of the validation that you kept coming back and that somebody who gained a pro card first time out didn't really understand the same kind of struggle as if you'd put in the work of a couple seasons or three or four seasons, because coming back to a sport that didn't bless you is much harder than walking away straight off the stage and I really did feel like you know what Somebody else might just deserve this more than me. Not that I didn't deserve it one way or the other, but I don't know what their story is. I don't know how long they worked at this goal that I've just decided I'm doing this year. So I think sort of a little bit of realistic expectation or preparing yourself to not, because, honest to goodness, before you asked me, I'd never even considered that this wasn't the only outcome.
Speaker 1:The winning wasn't going to be the option. That was it. That winning was not an option. And I'm glad you actually brought that up because I mean it's a really interesting phenomenon because when I was competing in the early to mid 2000s, yeah, I mean we went for our pro card, but never in your first show. Like, nobody ever talked about that. Like shows were few and far between back then we didn't have one on every street corner and every state and every city and every town every weekend, like you do now. So it was a lot and it was definitely earned. It was not given. We didn't have near as many people on stage with us. I mean, it was just a different environment, and so it really is a very new phenomenon.
Speaker 1:That and I think social media thank you for this right Everybody I mean the number of people I talk to new client, potential new clients or whatever wanting their pro card and I'm just like it's your first fucking show, right? What are you talking about? Right? Like I literally want to just grab people on the neck and shake them, but then you're not the first, you will be the last. I've had many, many, many and then it really does have to become this personal best right, like in every single thing that you do, and it's gotta be this. I'm sure it's the same reason you keep going back to your endurance events, right Like, whether you win them or you don't win them, you're trying to beat whatever that best. Would you wanna have a different prep? You wanna have a different race? You wanna have everything you wanna do better, and with bodybuilding it's no different. And I'll never even say that somebody else deserved it more, because it's not about that, right, it's not. You could have somebody who's 19 years old, who just walks around looking like that all day and was like I'm gonna do a show tomorrow and pops in and beats you right. Doesn't mean that she deserves it more.
Speaker 1:It just means that that's just what the judge is one of that day, based on who all else showed up. Right, and she's genetically gifted and God bless her and good for her right. So it's not really even a matter. It's just you know. It's just you have to do your best. You have to be satisfied with what you're bringing to the stage, satisfied with your effort, that you gave it your all.
Speaker 1:Whatever that all is right, and giving your all in every prep may be a little different depending on the obstacles and stuff you may have to overcome, and that's something I had to learn. What I did in the first part of my career versus what I did in the second part of my career were very different, and how I felt about competing was very different and there was a lot of injury and downtime and depression in between because I had to have a bunch of surgeries because I over-trained and I had the wrong attitude and I did a bunch of stuff. And then coming back to the stage after all of that, after kind of losing my identity and sort of suffering through the depression of like you know, what am I doing here? Why am I doing this? For that back half is really when things really mattered and made a difference to me, because it truly became about what am I overcoming every single prep to get on stage, to be the best I can. Sometimes I looked better than others, but it doesn't mean I didn't give my best, for whatever best was, I could give that prep right.
Speaker 1:So I kind of had this saying that I've been putting out on social media recently. It's, like you know, giving your best every day, even when some days your best is unrecognizable to you, right, because it is. It really is a matter of my best. Today is so much different than my best 20 years ago, right, like, or even two injuries ago, or 20 surgeries ago, or whatever the case may be. So the goal is to give your best. Know that you did everything that you could doesn't mean it has to be perfect. Just what are you satisfied with? What you're bringing to the stage and then hope that your best beats everybody else's best and you're what the judges want in the lightings, right, and you know your suit doesn't fall out whatever, your tan is good and all of the things come together and then you get to win. That's how it works.
Speaker 2:I gotta tell you honestly, some of my most favorite competitors are girls that get on stage that are not gonna win.
Speaker 2:I mean, like you can look at the class they're not winning.
Speaker 2:But it's the girl like I had a girl at one of my shows. She had lost I think it was 110 pounds I mean you know all the scars from skin removal like she had a journey and she got on that stage and she wasn't gonna win the class, but you felt such a sense of pride and just so much encouragement to think that somebody knew they weren't there to win but, by God, they were gonna show off the work they did and I felt like that's the bigger win is to walk on stage without that like I need to win it, but just being proud enough of yourself and getting there, because perhaps hard, and it doesn't matter if you come out looking like you should be on a cover of a magazine or you come out looking like, well, I put this bikini on. The prep was hard either way, and so I think it's really the wind to be there and I think it takes hindsight to sort of recognize that getting yourself there was commitment to a plan and you met your goal, and your goal was being there, right.
Speaker 1:Which is something that you know 90% of the population will never do right To commit to a goal that hard, because it's hard right. And whatever effort you put in and I tell clients this all the time the effort you put in is gonna be reflective on stage right. And so, again, I'm here to guide you. I can't force you to do anything. You can implement half the things I tell you to do, all the things I tell you to do, more than I tell you to do.
Speaker 1:Whatever the case may be, you have to be happy with what you bring to the stage and you have to be okay with the effort you put in being reflected of what do you want the effort to look like you put in when you get on stage right. And I think that person that you just talked about, or the people who get in their mindset what they're doing in this goal, have less of a difficult time post-show than somebody who's going in it to win, somebody who's going in it to with a singular focus of I want my pro card or whatever, or I deserve it more, I want it more. I don't care if you've been working out of 20 years and you still haven't gotten it right, like you just either keep doing it or you don't, but that I think you have a less difficult time. And then it is again in that period post-show, it is planning for it because I think in many respects like so, putting this podcast out there, people read our book or whatever, understanding that it's coming right.
Speaker 1:So now more women who have post-partum depression at least understand like this is normal. We talk about it. Like not normal, it's common, right, we talk about it. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's okay to feel some let down, it's okay to feel a little bit lost, and then let's start working towards. You know what this, what this next goal is going to look like, whether it's competing or running a marathon or some other sport, you never want to do it again in life, whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2:Well, there's something you talk about and I mean, you say it all the time but this idea of being bigger than the singular identity that you are a whole person.
Speaker 2:And to reevaluate that even because I mean, I'll tell you it's really hard if you tell someone, particularly bodybuilding, that you're a bikini competitor, you're a physique competitor, you know whatever you're doing, and then you go into growth season and you gain this weight back and suddenly you're not all cut up and you don't look like a competitor anymore. It becomes difficult to allow yourself to be that thing, but not be just that identity, to try to reiterate that you're this whole person. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Right, because we have to stop saying that. Like, honestly, I don't think anybody should say I'm a bikini competitor, I'm of this, I'm of that, it's something you do. It's not who you are, right, you are. If you're, you know you're a well rounded female athlete, right, who also is a wife, a mother, a daughter, sister, brother, you know. Whatever the case may be, in my opinion, and should be everybody's opinion, those are the things that matter. Nobody gives a fuck that you competed in a bikini competition at your grave, yeah, I can promise you that nobody cares how well you stuck to your macros or how good you looked in your big, your sparkly bikini, right. So we have to stop and I've talked about this in podcasts before. That's where my depression came from.
Speaker 1:Because I competed, I started, I did very well, straight out of the box. 2005 competed because nobody was telling anybody not to compete in season. I did fall, I did. I did multiple shows in the fall, multiple shows in the spring, multiple shows in the fall again ended up with torn bicep, torn shoulder, a bunch of surgeries. Nobody knew anything about reverse dieting, gained 40 pounds. It was. You know, it was. It was just ugly and I had become Tina the figure competitor. Meanwhile I've got a little person at home that I'm raising and a husband who also competes, who you know. So things were.
Speaker 1:We are priorities where it is a little bit fucked up and and I see this, I see this in people all the time. Trust me, I can see fucked up priorities and competitors all day long. I see it on social media. You guys are real like it's real interesting, but I do, I see it and it makes me. It makes me cringe, but I've been there. I makes me cringe because I've been there. I know, I know these people, I see myself in these people, but that's. I ended up in this really severe depression because I was like, well, I'm not Tina the figure competitor who got all this, all these accolades for how great I was as a figure competitor.
Speaker 2:Right, Like I wasn't getting.
Speaker 1:I wasn't getting the praise for being a mom or the praise you know. I know that sounds silly, right, but people thought I was great as a figure competitor. And now I'm not a figure competitor anymore, on this fat lump of lard sitting in the corner of my couch, depressed, and I don't know what to do with my life. It took a long time to get my head out of my ass, but the problem was I putting my entire identity into that thing I did. That was not who I was. It was something I did. It's just like. You know, if you think about in terms of like mistakes that we make or right. So if you think in terms of like guilt and shame, shame is I'm a horrible person for this thing and guilt is I did a thing that wasn't so great, right. So we have to kind of stop putting ourselves into these identity boxes that mean absolutely nothing. It's a thing we do. It's not who we are. And so if you want to tell people I compete in bikini competitions and I'm in my growth season right now, feeling really good and strong, fine, right. Like we don't, we don't need to plus plus also, and we don't need to explain ourselves to people, right. So you have to get right in your own damn head about what your growth season is going to look like. Right, it is. You don't get to. You don't get to get better in endurance racing without getting faster. Right Like you've got to get faster or better with your stride. Whatever the case may be, you got to improve in some way in bodybuilding Unless you're using drugs.
Speaker 1:You do not get to get better without putting on some weight, right Now. How you put on that weight is up to you. You can do it dirty and get real big. I don't recommend it. You can try to restrict and don't gain any. I don't recommend that either. Right, but you're going to put on some weight. And who gives a flying fuck? But anybody else thinks about whether you look like a competitor or not? Right, like it doesn't matter. It does not matter what other people think. It only matters what your your. If you're ashamed to tell people because you got a little bit of extra body fat and you don't look like it anymore, who cares? I don't look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I don't look like I'm. I should be on the cover of muscle and fitness. But I know, I know what I do. I know what I did Right. It doesn't matter what other people look at me and think no in that, in that world.
Speaker 2:you know I don't do social media. I have no social media, I've never had it. So I don't want to make it seem like I somehow just magically stop doing it.
Speaker 1:I never, I never got it. Smartest thing anybody's ever done is just never do it at all.
Speaker 2:So when Facebook first came out because I'm old enough to remember Facebook coming out we had a lot of friends in the military who had, like high school girlfriends, people reaching out and it was causing a lot of marital problems. So my husband and I from the beginning were like this seems like a real bad plan, so we just never jumped on board. But I am curious, from your side of things, how you feel like putting all that out there on social media impacts the like, the post season depression people might have. Because now I know when I cut, I honestly I'm treated differently. People are nicer to me, which sounds insane.
Speaker 2:But when I look really fit, people are nicer and, for whatever reason, feel that they are allowed to just tell me if they think I look good which I didn't ask, I don't care. And I find it almost offensive because, say, I'm funny, say I'm smart, I just don't care about you, your opinion of how I look. But how do you think then that impacts people's reaction when they've had people online sort of telling them they're amazing, they're looking so good, and then now you can't gain muscle without gaining fat. So now if you're going to grow, you have to put fat on, to put muscle on. How do you cope with people now knowing you looked this way? That's only going to be for day and you don't anymore.
Speaker 1:I hate it. I hate everything about social media when it comes to that. But also, you know, it depends on how you use your platform, right? So I think I mean, we know social media is exacerbating mental health problems across across. You know, young girls, young boys, like it's just, you know, because everybody's highlight reels out there, I mean, I could post a picture of me from 2006 and somebody like, oh my God, you look great and I'm like that's 20 fucking years ago. You know, that is not what I look like right now. You literally just saw a picture of me last week, right? So people are going to give you these accolades. I, you know.
Speaker 1:Again, I see people are constantly posting their, their pictures. I think the most cringy thing I see that I really hate is women, and I appreciate that women in their off seasons or growth seasons are actually putting their off season bodies out there. I think it's, I think it's great, I think that helps. But again, it's the method in which you do it right. It's the message you're putting out, because what I cannot stand is seeing somebody who's literally like five days post show barely looks different than they did On show day and they're like, oh, I'm so fluffy, look at my pictures.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I'm just like fuck off, right, like stop it. That's just ridiculous, right, because that is just exacerbating the God, the body image and issues that, like, every single woman on the planet has. Right, if this girl thinks she's woman, thinks she's fat at like you know, and I'm 200 pounds looking at this, going well, there's no hope for me. I'm never going to look good, right, so it's I like that people will put themselves out there and show what a real growth season body looks like. I just don't like the messages that come with it a lot of times, right? So I think people are putting it out there in this very self-deprecating sort of way, right, so to say, oh look, how big I've gotten.
Speaker 2:Where the average person or is she fishing, though? Is she fishing? Oh, of course she's fishing right, no, it's fishing.
Speaker 1:No, you look, oh my God you look amazing in your growth season, right or, and then, at the same time, you may have, you know, your neighbor down the street who's also friends with you on Facebook, going well, shit, like, that's my dream body and she's calling herself fat right.
Speaker 2:So I think Inadvertently feels judgmental to other women, absolutely Inadvertently. If you say you feel heavy and you're on the thin side of your weight, then you're telling people who are even heavier this is heavy.
Speaker 1:So, hmm, I mean Like I'm not going to stand in front of somebody who I know is actually overweight, right, and talk about how fat I feel. That's real shitty, right? Granted, social media is a free-for-all right. Everybody has the right to post whatever they want on their Facebook pages. But I would encourage people women in particular in this sport to really think about the narrative that they're putting out there.
Speaker 1:And, unfortunately, a lot of women who are in a good place in their own bodies. Unfortunately, they're the ones who are constantly putting their bodies out on social media, and I was one of them, right? Granted, all we had we didn't have Facebook back then. Whew, I was old. But it's rare to find the right message for the right reason with the right photographs on social media, right? So I wish more women were putting out the right message with the same photographs the befores, the afters, whatever explaining the truth behind what is really going on in these pictures, without it being something that would more negatively impact the greater social media at large.
Speaker 1:Right, because I think, as women, we should be more considerate of other women, right? I just think that we should. And if we have a following on social media and we have a platform, I think if we used it a bit more wisely, it would be, and which is what I try to do. It's what I try to do a lot. I by no means ever, I don't ever use filters. I don't even know how. I do use social media quite a bit and for this exact reason, because I am really trying to put out real stuff right, like this is what a real thoughts, real body, like everything we're talking about on the podcast.
Speaker 2:But I think I'm rambling at this point In the breadth of social media that if you find yourself post-show feeling like you're sort of lost or you're feeling depressed about the whole situation, that there are probably avenues there than where there are groups of other people you can talk to or people who have just done the show with you. And definitely every show I've been to I've met someone incredible. I don't usually keep in touch with people, but there's always somebody that if you wanted to have a friend down the road, almost every show there's a whole group of women that want to be your friend. They're very friendly If you're friendly first.
Speaker 2:People are very friendly at the shows.
Speaker 1:I think having a sense of community is really important Dot, dot, dot, break, break Except when that sense of community becomes this group mentality about post-show competition blues. And then so there was this there's a phenomenon I believe in the sport I'll get to that in a second but where I think, when I first really thought of what's happening in the sport of bodybuilding that happens post-show, with the binging and the gaining weight and all the crazy stuff that happens, I believe that started to become this rite of passage, that it was almost like this thing you, everybody did, you benched, you gained weight, you stopped going to the gym, everybody just like because it's. And I can tell you that this is what happened back in the early 2000s when I was competing, and I think it started to be this group mentality kind of thing, like this group suffering right. That it is this rite of passage as a bodybuilder, as a competitor, that you come off stage and you have to go through this post-show blues and you have to go through this really horrific time of binging and feeling like shit and oh my God, I'm fat. And then I'll back that up to Brandy and I. I don't know if we've talked about this on the podcast or not, but I know her and I have had conversations about this in the sport of gymnastics and I'm sure it's going on still and probably any major sport like that, but especially gymnastics, because these girls are so criticized for their bodies, dancers probably, too.
Speaker 1:There is a group mentality on eating disorders, right. So it is like common practice that when you're in a group of women, we're so good at this, it's the thing to do, right. So I think that that has also happened in the sport of bodybuilding and it has become the thing to do versus. So that's where you have to be careful. Community is important, but community misery is also a very valid thing, right. So we get ourselves in trouble if we aren't able to think independently of what we read, see, do on social media, of what our friends are doing, right, like if our friends like oh, I'm fat and I'm binging blah, blah, blah and you're like, oh, me too, right, yeah, that kind of community is not helping anybody. So there has to be some independent thought, thinking for oneself. Having a community to rely on, I think is great until it's not, does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Yeah well, and so the other thing is that you don't have to experience depression post anything and I think so you may just the awareness it could happen. I think if you have the foresight that it's coming, it may still happen. But you sort of anticipated it differently. When I finished my bachelor's degree I was working night shift, full time with a three year old and a five year old. My husband was active duty and going TDY all the time.
Speaker 2:And when I finished my bachelor's degree I was like I don't even know what to do with all of this time, like where was this time? And it caught me so sideways because I'd just been so focused on finishing it that when it was finished it never crossed my mind I might have this hollowness of nothing I was focused on anymore because it was just so consuming. So I think if you sort of know it could be coming down the pipeline, at least maybe you recognize some symptoms earlier. But it definitely doesn't have to be a situation. So if you don't, you didn't do anything wrong or you weren't less focused when you were working on your goal. It just may not be something that hits you in the same way.
Speaker 1:Right, and what you just said is 100%. That's the point I was trying to get across. Don't think, well, I didn't have post-show blues, so I did not train hard enough, or I must not be good enough, or whatever. It's no different than, like I have clients that get super duper lean and never lose their period going into a show. That doesn't mean that they're not super duper lean and they're not stage ready because they never lost their period and 2 million other people do, like it doesn't matter, because everybody's really individual.
Speaker 1:So, but to your point on the now, what do I do? I mean, which kind of talked about when you suddenly have all this time? So I mean I will say that post-competition, at least in that six to eight week period, your training cardio doesn't change a super ton, right? So it should still actually take up a bit of your time, right? Like, cause we haven't been able to weed your day. I'm not gonna talk about you, cause you're only doing a ton of cardio, but the average client who's coming off a show. We are starting to reduce cardio, we are starting to increase calories, but you know, in the first couple of weeks you shouldn't have a lot of free time, like it shouldn't look a whole lot different than prep. You know, before the show, right, like, give you some time back. But I know for me, as a coach, I do. I start redirecting clients in that free time to doing things they haven't been able to do, right? So, whether it is spending time with more time with family, right, like, I literally have to direct clients to like they're like what do I do? And I'm like what have you been neglecting for the last six months of prep? Right, these are the things that we need. Right, you know a meal out with family once a week, if that's something that's important. Or you know more yoga. Or you know more walks in nature, now that the weather is getting nice, right, let's go outside for walks, let's enjoy the time that you have. This is the time now.
Speaker 1:So it's basically like let's take inventory of all the things that fell by the wayside while you were in prep, because you know, when you're singularly focused on a thing, there is no balance. I do not believe that balance is a thing. You're putting all your most, you're prioritizing one thing over another period. So what are the things that have been you know, that have gone by the wayside? Oh, you want to do another certification? Perfect time. Let's start a new class. Let's take a class. Let's nap. You want to go nap you?
Speaker 1:want to go try a boxing class. Like my client Taylor. She's like she, you know now that now that preps over, she's like I want to try a boxing class and I would try a boxing class, I would try this. I was like do it all, do all the things, have fun. Go take a bunch of classes, you know. Take up a new hobby, whatever the case may be, but don't sit around feeling lost because you are no longer. You know care of the bikini competitor or Tina the figure competitor, or whatever the case may be. Go be a mom, go be a good employee, you know. Focus on something new.
Speaker 2:Do you feel like you see any more struggle when we're in that seasonal effective disorder window, Like if somebody wraps their show in November, let's just say like right before Thanksgiving, and you're going right into seasons where it's cold and dark and maybe more of a struggle to get outside or sort of resume a normal routine? Do you feel like you see it harder then?
Speaker 1:I don't necessarily see it harder because of more of like the sad right, the seasonal effective disorder. I do see it harder with many because coming off late season shows goes right into holidays and it's real hard to stick to reverse diets. I find that really difficult, which then can spiral into a whole other mental struggle because I can't stick to. You know, I've got all these holiday functions. I can't stick to my diet. I'm gaining body fat more quickly than I want to. I'm traveling for holidays, I can't get in my training. So I see it less because of the weather per se or the season and more because of what's happening in that season. I see it sometimes with the summer months and stuff too, like people coming off of spring shows thinking like, oh, I will do spring because then I'll stay looking hot and maybe cleaning all summer, I'll have the summer body. And then they start putting on body fat as they're supposed to, and then they freak out and now I don't have a summer body and I'm like that's both, you know, whatever. So the same bullshit. Or people who are reeling to like fire pits and barbecues and like hanging out on the boat drinking all day long, and they come off their show. It's the same thing as, like the holiday people who struggle, right. So now my summer vacation, people are gonna struggle.
Speaker 1:I purposely ask clients not to take any major vacations, especially like an all inclusive resort or a cruise or two weeks in Europe. The week after their show You're not staying on your prep diet, I mean, you're on your reverse diet, right? So I'm like, can you give me like three to four weeks? Let's at least get you out of the danger zone before you go to this free for all in Jamaica, because I know you're gonna go free for all in Jamaica. So yeah, there's just a lot of smart planning around post season, I think. So, with a little thought in planning, it can be done in a healthy way. And, as you know, I try really hard to have all of these types of practices in place with clients before they ever even hit the stage right. So I'm not suddenly like, let's add meditation and yoga and Pilates and like all of these things. I wanna make sure my clients have a healthier headspace before they get on stage. So hopefully we have less of that let down post show. Yep, that's always the plan anyway.
Speaker 2:So Right. So Tell me what podcast you're listening to right now.
Speaker 1:I'm listening to hold on. I just forgot the name of it. It's called Straight from the horse doctor's mouth. It's podcast about from a horse veterinarian.
Speaker 2:I'm really glad we started with telling people we have a horse now cause.
Speaker 1:And I also frequently listen to Hooperman Lab. I love his, although I feel like it's listening to a many book every single time, cause I'm like, dude, you're podcast are three hours long and I can't. They're great, I mean, I will listen for three or four hours and not bad an eye, but I can't listen to it at like my normal 1.2 speed, because then I'm like missing all the information. I was like I can't keep up with all this too fast. So, yeah, so those are kind of my two and I'm just starting a new book. So I will say as a so our next podcast that I'm gonna do, I'm gonna podcast with my physical therapist again and I asked.
Speaker 1:he said he had a new book he wanted me to read and get my thoughts on it. I have not started reading it yet, but it's called Burn by Herman Herman, herman Herman Hanser, and it is about if I can get it to come up. It is called what's this? New research blows the lid off of how we really burn calories, stay healthy and lose weight. Oh, so he told me it has something to do with like they did these studies on like Hunter Gathers and sort of like the metabolic state of the Hunter Gatherer, kind of- Like.
Speaker 1:Caveman Hunter Gatherer. I don't know I have to get into it and see like cause I don't know how they could have studied cavemen, but there's something in that realm of like that.
Speaker 1:My guess is oh, maybe try, I'm sorry, I think it's going to talk about my guess is just on the cover and I really have no idea. I might be totally wrong. My guess is it's going to talk about so, if we're talking about, like true metabolism and calorie burn, like how do we really stay fit? Is it exercise versus neat, right? I don't know if that's the case, but I am hypothesizing that this is kind of the concept of the book and I know that. That said, he wanted to kind of get my thoughts on where I thought, you know, in terms of I like that.
Speaker 2:You've made this prediction. So when we listened to the next podcast I can tell you I was totally wrong.
Speaker 1:Apple wasn't anything about what I thought it was Wrong, tina, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. I was so wrong. Yeah, I'll talk about that when we record the next podcast, cool.
Speaker 2:What about you? What do you listen to? Well, I just started three, which is the podcast about the two high school girls that stabbed the third high school girl to death out in the woods. It was like they weren't in high school.
Speaker 1:they were in middle school. Wow, I think they were in middle school, right?
Speaker 2:No, these girls were in high school. These girls were definitely in high school because one had a car she was Okay different group of three, but there's another, kate.
Speaker 1:I thought that was just the one there's another one, so this is called three.
Speaker 2:So it's just sort of diving back into sort of how they got there and how this was not bullying. This is not like normal mean girl behavior, that high school girls have things happening that we're not paying attention to, and so it's getting to sort of the root of how it ever got to that point. So you know, I like a good murder, so-.
Speaker 1:I do too. I've kind of gotten away from a lot of my murder stuff and I've been trying to-.
Speaker 2:You're convinced you're gonna be murdered. I'm convinced I'm gonna be murdered.
Speaker 1:No, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about that, Although every time my husband walks out the front door and leaves it unlocked, I'm like he's trying to get me murder raped. That's what I would say. So are you trying to get me murder raped? If you leave the front door unlocked, I'm gonna get murder raped, right? So I it's never murder or raped, it's just murder rape. I'm getting Perfect, it's probably more like rape murdered. I mean they're gonna get rape murdered or murder raped. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I'm hoping you get murder raped to not rape murdered. That'd be a better scenario.
Speaker 1:I'd rather be dead people. If it has to be one, where is it? Okay now I think we've gone down a really bad rabbit hole. Sorry, everybody, wrap it there, wrap it there. We're gonna wrap it up now. Anything else to add on the post season.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think. I think reach out especially if you have a coach which I indefinitely recommend for any sport you're doing to have a coach Outside perspective is important, but also, if this happens, you have a resource of somebody to tell you what's normal, what's not, and maybe, just maybe, they're gonna tell you to go see a medical doctor. So you end up in that place. Don't be afraid to reach out for help in that avenue as well, But-.
Speaker 1:I agree, having a coach and having a coach who actually is going to I mean, cause not all coaches give a fuck about talking about these things so that's gonna be an important aspect of it. And, yes, don't be ashamed of it, you're not alone. It's the same goes with any type of blues, feeling or depression or something that you can't quite get a handle on. You can't manage it on your own or with your coach or with anybody. Then, obviously, asking for help and getting support is gonna be the number one thing, because it's okay to not be okay. It's just not okay to stay there. So, yeah, so, on that note, don't get weird, use your head, it will all be okay.
Speaker 2:Bye, don't get murder, raped bye, okay, bye.